It's happening...or, I'm making it happen...or, maybe the Universe has just aligned itself for me, rather, I've opened my eyes to the signs it's strewn out before me?  Whatever.  No matter.  Either way, I'm excited to say that I've been given a gift...a book on Veganism (funny, the timing considering my recent post) and then, while walking through 'Sprouts' another book called out to me and made me buy it (I couldn't resist, I admit).  The gift is entitled, Main Street Vegan, and the one that jumped off the shelf at me is called, Crazy, Sexy Diet.  Both amazing reads.  Both with a plethora of information, a few recipes and tons and tons of inspiration.  I'm going to make this happen.  I will find my way.  I think the greatest thing I've learned from each of the books so far is not to be so hard on myself...it's bound to happen...I will eat the occasional piece of cheese, and said cheese might even be sandwiched in between a toasted, gluten packed french bread roll.  But, it's OK.  I don't have to beat myself up about it.  I will just pick myself up, dust myself off and get right back on my vegan (imaginary) horse.  One day at a time.  One minute at a time.  It's ALL good!

It's been a while, and as everyone does, I've been having my ups and downs...though this has been more of a down time than usual, I'd have to say.  So, I went back to bread/gluten and eggs as well (of course, I never got past the cheese either, remember?).  And here I am...right back at square one.  Even worse...I'm having yet another sushi craving.  A big one, at that (it's gone on for days and days now).  On the one hand, I'm looking forward to giving in to it (we'll be heading out to the sushi restaurant in an hour or so)...and then, on the other hand, I'd like to curl into a ball and stuff myself in a closet out of sadness, shame, embarrassment and disgust.

After all of of my pitfalls throughout this venture...I need a plan, but not just any old plan...I need a real, honest to myself and the planet, yell it out to the world from the heavens in 'upper case letters' PLAN!

What does this mean?  It means that I need to have my sh*& together.  I need to have a date' set in stone', and recipes for meals and snacks (mainly snacks, because those seem to be my downfall) ready to go,  tons of veggies, fruits and condiments, etc. stored in the fridge, and more than anything...I need to focus!  Seriously focus on what my goals and desires are.  I think, above all else, focus is the key.  I need to remind myself every minute of every day why I've made the decision to go vegan.  I need to focus on what lies ahead so that I can make sure that I have my meals planned out or snacks ready to go when I know that certain non-vegan functions are coming up (I wouldn't want to end up at them hungry and tempted even more so than I naturally might already be).

This is all going to take a lot more work than I thought it would.  I know that in time I will be substituting the word 'dedication' for "work"...but for now...for me, it's work.  It's a lifestyle change that I may be ready for in one way or another, but obviously not ready for in another.  I will get there.  I know I will.  I will get there because I want it so badly and because I've been thinking about it for years.  Now it's time to prepare myself and to remember that it's not just the decision to do it that will make it happen, but also the effort, the action that goes into making it happen that matters.

So, I will be back (after mulling it over) with a PLAN in the not-so-far-off future.  Until then, I think I've just realized why I named this blog "Day by Day Vegan"...this isn't a blog about vegan 'success' (at least not right now)...it's a blog about the everyday thoughts and struggles we all might face on the road to becoming full fledged vegans.  Good luck to us all on our journeys in this and any other respect.   :)

Cheese is still a part of my life, but that is all. I've been able to do without bread (and therefore, gluten) for the past two days. Don't ask me how. It still amazes me as well. But really, it hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. I know that it hasn't been long, but I think I feel better already. Not as bloated and fuzzy-minded. We will see how things go as time goes on. For now, it's off to bed. Trying to get an early night tonight.

Oh...I thought I'd mention it briefly here on this blogspot. I will be writing/starting another blog soon. It will be a blog about my career as a massage therapist in which I will be, amongst other topics, include real life stories and experiences with clients, their ailments and treatments, their concerns and updates on their conditions in regards to the techniques I use to help them in overcoming them. The blog isn't established yet, but its address will be www.holistictouchmassagebysandra.blogspot.com. I hope you will check it out. I will keep you posted. Thanks and goodnight.

I did so well today! Had a small amount of cheese, but no gluten...not even a tiny bit. That's such exciting news for me...No Gluten!!!! Yay!!! And, it wasn't too hard to do. I did crave it...I cannot lie. The family had rolls for dinner...crispy on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside. There was one lonely roll left over after they had finished. It just lay there on the granite counter top, staring at me. But I didn't cave. I'm so proud of myself. Now, let's see what tomorrow brings. I went shopping today and yesterday...at Trader Joe's and Sprouts. I have no excuses at the moment not to be eating properly. Looking forward to it. :)

Things are looking up. Overall, I'm feeling healthier and taking better care of myself. Lately, even though life is keeping me so very busy, I've taken the time to make sure that I'm feeding myself properly, looking up recipes, getting more and varied ideas on dishes to make for myself...ingesting more fruits and veggies instead of processed foods. For now I really do feel like I'm on the right track. Yes, cheese is still on my menue and probably will be for quite a while, but I think I've come to terms with this and for now, I've decided to make this OK in my head (not so much in my heart yet considering all of the adverse effects I've learned this to have on the planet). Someday, I may give that up too. Anyway, time for bed...goodnight all.

Things were going well...well, sort of well, I guess. Yes, I've still been eating cheese and occasionally I've used a bit of Coffemate creamer, but other than that, things were going well...until a few days ago, that is. I craved eggs...and gave in. Today, it happened again. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I have to be OK with my pitfalls though, because if I get upset with myself, I just wouldn't be helping the situation. Tomorrow is another day :).

UGH!!!

Oh, who am I kidding? Who ever heard of a cheese eating vegan. Really? What kind of crap do I think I'm pulling here? Besides, on my 'day 1', I not only consumed cheese but also chocolate (I'm PMSing), which I didn't really catch myself doing until after the fact (and yes, I know that PMS isn't an excuse)...but still. What the hell? I've got to figure something else out, cause whatever I'm trying to do here, just isn't going to cut it.

Tomorrow is another day which brings with it another new beginning...

A Lousy Day 1

Ok, so it looks like I've postponed day 1 to tomorrow. I had a lunchdate planned and just couldn't walk past the blue cheese dressing...:( Tomorrow is another day though, and I've already taken a step in the right direction by going out to Trader Joe's and purchasing a tub of Earth Balance whipped spread for tomorrow's breakfast toast (by the way, I've decided not to go gluten free at the same time this go around...that just made things so much more difficult). Ok, well, tomorrow it is then....

Starting Over

Ok...I've decided to begin my journey to veganism again soon. Monday 2/27/12 will be the day I start. At first, I will continue to eat imported European cheeses. I'm scared to go hardcore this time. Something wasn't working for me last time. The itching and the dryness of skin and scalp...it just didn't feel right nor healthy. So, this time around I will keep the cheese in my diet while I live without the milk, eggs and butter. I haven't had fish since I wrote about my downfall in that department here last time, and I don't/haven't craved it since then, so I don't see that as being a problem. The salad dressing might pose an issue for me for a little while since I've allowed myself to get used to ranch dressing again as of late. Other than that, I think I'll be fine. Funny, I have been eating eggs in the past few weeks and I love the way they taste, but every time I let it cross my mind as to where they come from, what they are and how long they sit in warehouses before they are even shipped out to be sold, I make myself terribly sick. YUCK! All around, I've been focused on my health much more in the past month or two than I have been in quite a while. Going back to veganism (or in this case...almost veganism) seems like the natural next step for me right now. I know that one of the most important things for me to be doing on an ongoing basis, though, is continually reading and researching various vegan recipes and staying involved with the topic of vegan health in general. If I don't, I forget that I'm not alone and a lonely vegan lifestyle is not all too easy to uphold. I'm not a follower by any means, but it really is nice knowing that there are others out there in the world who see things similar to how I see them. In my own circle, I'm viewed more as a freak than I'd like to admit. Well, here's to starting a new chapter in my (someday completely) vegan life...wish me luck. I guess no one said it'd be easy...but usually, it's the things that aren't so easy that really are worth it. :)

I still have not returned to veganism. I will. I'm determined. I'm determined because I know that when done right, when each and every food I ingest is examined for its vitamin and mineral content, it is the healthiest and cleanest way for ME to eat. I wasn't doing it right though. I wasn't devoting enough time to eating the Right foods and throwing together the Right meals (without unprocessed soy, for instance). And now, I'm enjoying my beloved cheese so very much...too much...so much so that I think I might overdose soon. OK, I'm just kidding...I could probably never overdose on cheese. When I do go back to veganism and a gluten free diet, I'll post here again. It won't be long, so keep checking back often. A week, maybe two...or, who knows, it could be tomorrow when I say goodbye to all animal and wheat products again. I am excited about it...I just want to do it right. Goodnight all...you'll hear from me again soon!